why do I do this to myself?

I'm about 3/4's of the way through Caressed by Ice and I keep thinking why did I wait so long? I know it will be good. Hell I've been wanting to read it forever but yet I kept pushing it back? Why?

Anyway let me see on how to catch you up. Judd is an arrow which is an elite killing machine through the psy network. He realized that by following orders he was just a killer for some one who controlled the shots. He didn't like it and when his family wanted out of psynet he helped them. However, he truly believes he is evil and the only thing he is good for is killing.

Breanne (did I spell that right?) Was a victim of a horrible crime. The man in book 1 kidnapped her and violated her in everyway. Mind, body and soul but she survived. The only one in fact to survive his twisted game with sanity. And she wants to be healed. She has it in her head that Judd is the one that can do that. That she loves the man of ice.

But what will happen when he breaks silence? After all he has the same powers as the man who tortured and raped her. Will she be able to look past the differences and move on?
So far so good!!!! OMG I love the part where he is showing her his TK ability and she is laughing. She told him the difference between him and the evil man was he was playing with her.
And he asked "this is playing?"
OMG broke my heart favorite part so far. I am dying to see what will happen with the story and if Judd will ever be able to give her what she needs. I hope to finish it tonight and post my review on Wednesday